I wrote a song for my ‘demon’

I guess most people have at least one ‘demon’, someone they have to live with whether they want to or not. As you may have read in the HIFH lyrics project, my ‘demon’ is called JPS, which stands for juvenile polyposis syndrome. Yesterday I had to go to hospital for yet another stomach and intestines exam (which is currently every 6 months), but somehow I felt I’ve had enough of all of these exams and needles and stupid procedures and bad communication in hospitals, I felt I was done with all of this. It’s almost 30 years now (I’m soon turning 37) I’m dealing with this disease and at times it’s hard to accept certain things, especially when you’re reminded so often of them or when you’ve had the same exam so many times before…

A few weeks ago, during a night I couldn’t fall asleep anymore, I wrote a song about it. So here once again music proves its true power to deal with situations, to deal with demons. I feel really inspired by what Nathan Gray has done and does with his Collective and his solo project, and I thought I should give it a try. The words for my song came really fast and naturally, I was suprised that this felt so easy. Even if I can’t sing or play an instrument, it helps to sing it aloud or just in my head.

In a society were we all “need to be perfect“, I believe it is extremely important to show people that it is absolutely okay to show or express that they don’t feel okay. And we should allow every single person to express their feelings, whatever they may be. They should be allowed to tell about what they feel, how they feel, without anyone immediately starting a discussion whether what they say is fine or not, and blablabla. We should start listening without judging. I believe a person must face demons alone in a sense, because others may never truly understand or feel what that person feels or went trough. But the least we can do is listen and tell people that it’s okay to express their feelings. It takes quite some guts to do so. It is your right to feel bad at times, nobody can feel happy all of the time. F*ck society and its ridiculous standards of ‘perfection’.

I believe music can have a healing impact on someone, whether it’s an existing song or a song you wrote. “Gone With The Wind” by UK band Architects is an important song for me, and I may never truly understand what Tom Searle exactly meant, but it doesn’t matter. If you somehow recognize yourself in lyrics, just sing the damn song as loud as you can. Repeat it for as long as you want. I believe it really helps.

So here is my text, if you somehow recognize yourself in it, sing it!

 

Out of my life


My dear friend, I guess we’re through
I’ve nothing left to say to you
Time after time you knock at my door
Each time coming back for more

I have to get this of my chest
At least give me some rest
‘cause inside you cause so much pain
And I never want to see you again

I want you out, out, out
I want you out of my life
I want you out, out, out
I want you out of my life

Can’t you hear all these screams, they are so loud
Stop getting in the way of my dreams, I want you out
You hear nothing but silence,
although my screams are so damn loud
Inside I feel so much violence
We’re done, get out, get out, get out
Out of my life

I want you out, out, out
I want you out of my life
I want you out, out, out
I want you out of my life

We’re through!

 

 

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